I still feel like my heart has been torn open

i am so sick and so tired. i can go on, but each time I think about what is going on I just feel worse and worse. I just can't grasp that this is probably the end. But what else could it be? I am so totally and completely lost. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and not have to function. I had a dream about him last night, I never dream about him. We were watching some thing about Germany and he kept asking me if I would go with him some day. We were just holding each other and talking about the future. I woke up alone and cold.